Blessed, on this big rock

The fourth of July is a very special time for me, as it is for many others. A time to really celebrate, enjoy each other’s company and be humbled by the sacrifices made in 1776 and the continued sacrifice of men and women today. I remember fondly, my family spending the fourth of July in South Dakota; and while it didn’t work out to do that this year, I am still very blessed. I don’t know if I have posted this before, but I am able to enjoy, and just be happy because their is a God above who loves me, and men and women around me who want to protect me. Happy Fourth of July and God Bless America!

 

There was this big rock that just sat there when I was young.

From a distance, it seemed like a huge boulder, you couldn’t move it, it just sat there.

This rock was on the property of my grandparents, on a lake, in South Dakota.

Things in life were finer there. I don’t mean we were rich in money but rich in the things that mattered. The company we kept and the simple things we did.

There were wood pillars that faced many thunderstorms and ropes that were ripped and fallen. The grass was brittle but it grew like corn. And there was this big rock.

 

It served its purpose well, as the mountain climbing experience for our Barbies and GI Joe’s.

The stove in which we cooked our soup.

A mixture of lake water, a few leaves, weeds…for flavor

Some good size pebbles so we could actually stir something and

of course a sprinkle of gravel.

 

To the left of the rock, depending on where you sat, stood this yellow lanterned man.

His lantern shined dimly from dusk till we noticed it off.

And though the cowbells and leaves continue to cling to him, he was still ours.

 

 

I pause, remembering the past,  I could continue with stories: hearing the fish splash, and disrupting the perfectly still lake.  You would chuckle at our determined attempts to pick every single rock from the gravel road. We would stuff them in our pocket, carry them in our shirts; walking carefully but quickly to the dock. And after all that work, throwing them in with all our might!

I could talk for hours of the many blissful 4th of Julys. Black Cat. Fruit Pizza. Face Paint.   The time I  tired to light the shell, and it almost fired in my ear, or the memorable later laughable time my cousin fell into the lake. I could sing you a few songs from the campfires we had. The time we used cumin instead of cinnamon for the biscuits. My list will go on, and on and continue down the well walked gravel road.

Because being here with all the memories,  good and bad allows me to thank the Lord for how blessed I am. And as long as this big rock sits, year after year, I will hold on tho the memories.  So thank you,  Jesus, I am grateful and I am blessed.

Advertisements

Powerful Words

Beauty 

is in

Error

in fault

Hope

in God

Pride

for what’s

However

don’t think

Bravery

takes extreme

Audacity 

how dare

Judge 

me not

Truth 

is hidden.

Without words

 

 

 

 

Silence

            remains.

Letters next to each other forming unbinding relationships.

Words are lasting, they do no break. They are always going to be

here.

~ i am blessed ~

I have been doing my thankful facebook friends, and I am not going to lie. It has been hard. Devoting almost a hour of my day to write truly thoughtful post, is difficult at times. I don’t want to sound selfish, I am just thankful of all those who have been so encouraging through this process. I am so thankful that God has walked through this, with me every step of the way. I am truly blessed by His love. He loves me, and that in itself is amazing, and I am speechless.

There have been times, I think why am I doing this? Is there are reason, or a purpose. No there isn’t a purpose or reason for my own desires. I truly wanted to do this to show others that they are good, and beautiful and loved. At times Satan likes to play with my head, tell me that they don’t deserve my words. But then I stop and think, I don’t deserve God’s love, and each day I wake up, saved from sin and death. So no Satan, they do deserve to know that they are loved. Not just by me, but though me I can show a small light of love that God has for each and everyone of them.

I got a little behind in my schedule. So with only a day left until thanksgiving I would loved your prayers that I can finish my little thankful facebook friend challenge. Thanksgiving  could be a cliche time, but to be it is one of the great times  to remember how blessed we are. Your family tradition might not include going around he table and saying one thing you are thankful for, and that is okay. I just hope that in this last day leading up to thanksgiving, the people that matter most in your life, know that you love them. I liked what my pastor said last week. He said that think of that one thing you are most thankful for and ask yourself, how are you showing that you are thankful?

This facebook challenge as been very nurturing from me as well. I just hope that through this all, through the thanksgiving feast, and the family and friends that YOU know that GOD LOVES YOU! No matter what you have done in the past, or what you are doing now, God sees you as his own child. That is what I am MOST thankful for. I have a faith in a God who LOVES me.

T-2 L-5

Second Corinthians 3:3 says, You show that you are a letter from Christ…written not with ink but with the spirit of the living God, not on tables of stone but on tablets of human hearts.

My throat was dry 

there was no moister

to coat around the sides.

I moved my head

but it only sent it in a dizzy. 

SPACE 

Someone said my name, and  I tired to flutter my eyelashes. 

The unfamiliar voice continued to say something.

I slowly and painfully swallowed my own spit

and then winced at the bright light

shining around me 

_

The room was light, gray walls, and big circular lights hung over me. 

It was also cold.

I don’t remember if my hand were at my side or if they were crossed over

but the room was cold.

There were people in masks hovering over me. 

The words they said, slowly formed sentence in my head.

the bed, that I  was on, started moving again. 

I was scared and I looked franticly for my parents.

“The surgery couldn’t have gone any better”

Mama said, the next day. She smiled over me,

but there were worried lines above her brow.

I guess my face was pretty swollen, and

I was in a lot of pain.

I remember the days that followed,  they showed me pictures of my spine. As I looked at the X-rays, I shook my head. It couldn’t be right. How can something so good, look so wrong. I stared at images of my spine.  Two long pieces of metal were fused with screws and the bone from my hip. It looked like set of braces on your teeth. But this was my spine, and it was permeant. My spine was  as straight as anyone else’s. Possibly straighter. But when somethings is you for so long, looking at an improved vision of yourself, it is scary. I was the girl with scoliosis. I was the girl who went to physical therapy. I was the girl who wore a body jacket. Now, I was a girl with a straight spine, and a pretty long scar. But through the imperfections and challenges I faced before the surgery, I adapted to a new normal after the surgery. I stayed at the hospital for about a week.  Close friends and family, know my story. But as the day arrives each year, I just like to always give thanks to those who were all so helpful and thoughtful to not jus me but also  and my family.

  My Mama never left my side. She was my rock. My Dad took care of everything, and together he and my mama held each other up.  My sister was there for me, when she had to help me get out of bed, get ready in the morning, little things, that were everything to me.  My family and close friends showered me with: words of inspiration, beautiful flowers, roses, and daisy, teddy bears and chocolate. Chocolate makes everything better.

_

Thank you God, for everything you have given me, the support I had and still have.  And thank you, God. Through you all things have been possible. I close with a Psalm I found in my journal that my Mama wrote in. 

Oh Lord, how many are my pains. How many pains rise against Victoria. Many are saying of me, “God will not deliver her.” Selah

But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.

To the Lord I cry aloud and he answers me from his holly hill. Selah. 

I lie down and sleep, I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.

I will not fear the tens of thousands of pains drawn up against me within my body.

Arise, O Lord!

Deliver me, O my God!

Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked.

From the Lord comes deliverance, May your blessings be on all your people. Selah

Psalm 3:1-8

Little Girl

It is strange to think I have lived on this earth

this circular planet for the last 20 years.

I thought about explaining what I have gone through…

SPACE

the Presidents, the major events good and bad

the births, the weddings and the deaths that have happened.

But I am going to be a little selfish, and I won’t feel bad.

Because this poem is a birthday present to myself.

Instead I am going to talk about a little girl…

S

I am not that little girl who

danced her little heart out

in a beautiful red dress

at her cousins wedding,

all of being only being two years old.

S

I am not that little girl who

would play indians with her brothers

and hid in the tomato plants

pretending she was Pocahontas.

S

I am not that little girl who

every summer would swim in the pool

and go out as far as she could

pretending to be a mermaid.

S

I am not the little girl who

would get all dressed up and

have tea parties with her cousins and sister

sipping on water, and pretending to eat plastic donuts.

S

I am not the little girl who

could fall asleep anywhere,

and not get scolded, because

I was cute, and I sucked my thumb.

S

And as I remember back, my childhood

I will always smile, and I won’t look back in vain.

So many people tell us, that we haven’t lived,

until we get out into the world.

S

But I think, no. Actually I know they are wrong.

Because my childhood prepared me

for the next steps in my life.

S

There is no greater stress

than owning a hotel with your

sisters, and cousins

while having three or four kids

under the age of five.

But that is pretended.

We imagined conflict,

oblivious to how crucial it would be

and at the end of the day, everything was okay.

S

I don’t really know how Maria and I

got through as mom’s with all the injuries

that happened with our dolls,

but we always made it.

S

And do you know how much money is involved

when every time your  Betty Spaghetti’s

continue to break their bones

when their bungie cord snaps

while camping?

    Good thing we made movies about them,

    other wise I don’t know how they would pay

    all those hospital bills.

S

And with later years

the dolls were replaced with

babysitting jobs, and responsibilities.

Lemonade stands became actual jobs

and the barbie drama became high school drama.

And even the many careers we managed as kids, allowed us to think about college.

S

So, yes I am not the little girl anymore.

I can’t play dress up all day, and put on gowns and tiaras,

nor can I be an international spy, fiddling all the clues.

But I will always keep that little girl apart of me.

S

S

I wouldn’t be me,

without her,

without my sister,

without my cousins

without my family

without my friends.

S

So you see

I am really not being that selfish

more that I am thanking everyone

who had a part

in that little girl

and now…

S

to the young lady I have become.

IMG_1965_Fotor_Collage