Pieces

I kept giving it away. 

–

It was small at first. 

A smile. An encouraging nod. 

Phases asking, wondering, and helping a person 

–

Sometimes it wasn’t even willing. 

Nonetheless I gave it away. 

–

Slowly 

pieces 

pulling 

leaving

of me. 

–

Then it was large. 

What I gave away. 

–

A conversation. 

A bond of trust

More pieces

attaching 

themselves to others. 

–

It didn’t hurt, at first. 

It scared me a bit.

–

–

Then it became a whirlwind 

I was cracked, I was not replenishing. 

The fragile state I had become. 

–

They all continued their lives, without seeing my pain. 

My turmoil. 

–

Everything I gave, those piece of myself, had attached to other people. 

Other conversations 

Encouraging words 

simple 

smiles. 

–

The people I helped, didn’t notice the vulnerability scarcely keeping me upright. 

I  had given more than I could, because I knew they needed help. 

But now with the coin flipped, they didn’t see I needed help. 

–

–

–

And then the light started to shine, through the cracks.  

It couldn’t before. 

–

Too much of me, my small un- efficient  armor that I thought protected me, 

was only keeping this light from shinning. 

_

_

_

I didn’t need the pieces back, they weren’t mine to keep. 

The people who I had encouraged, helped. 

They carried those piece, briefly with them 

Before giving them away. 

Giving away themselves, to encourage others. 

_

So I decided to give, and give largely. 

Until my form, you couldn’t see. 

But this light bursted forth, and gave faster than I ever could. 

It gave without hesitation, without  thought of vulnerability. 

It loved deeper and made me stronger. 

_

_

Completely exposed. 

I looked up, and realized He shined through me. 

#CUNEDayofGiving

Frozen Ground

The sight quickened my heart and drew me home

to the big weary branches, stretched  at arms length. 

They held on to their buds as the course wind, blew. 

–

–

The wind carried, it. 

It soared in the fixed spot between two branches.

It lasted through the sun rays and cloudless days. 

It didn’t pop when the air froze, below 19.

It is a balloon, but let’s call it Joy. 

–

–

Joy, bobbed its head and swayed 

said hello to  below.  

The ground amused,  looked up at Joy. 

Small cracks, broke through the dirt. 

_

_

But Joy had to move on

so the branches let go 

and the ground froze. 

–

–

–

–

Saltwater Taffy 

She stood there reaching

stood on her tip toes trying 

but they pinched at her toes- hurting 

they were hand-me-downs from Georgie

as was the pale yellow dress, with itty-bitty daffodils.

Her hand reaching, her fingertips

grazing not enough to

grab the dish of candy

the light she kept off so not to be 

caught, turned on, and there stood 

Mama, tapping her foot, arms crossed 

and tilted head to my hand almost 

touching the candy. 

Mama looked at the hands on the clock

that reminded me I should be napping

in my bed, head on pillow  and eyes closed. 

Mama’s head titled to the room where I went 

but not before I turned to see Mama

take the candy from the wrapper 

and pop it into her mouth. 

–

–

–

–

On the Shelf 

My heart is burdened by so many things.

 I ask you to put those things aside. 

Put them on a shelf. Let it collect dust.

– 

Then one day, I will see the pictures all dried up, faded with age. 

The print will seem smaller, harder to read. 

Then I will understand clearly, that the big problems, 

the one’s I thought too long on weren’t really that big.

–

So instead I will place the good things on the shelves.

 The items that bring me joy, laughter, and peace.

 I will look after them, clean around the edges 

so the don’t dry up and be covered with dust.

The worries won’t crowd up my shelf.

 Instead, they will disappear.

 Become small like the dust, and be swept away.

– 

I have someone who cleans me, wipes away my mistakes. 

Who takes the clutter from my heart, allowing me to breathe.

 Smile at the day, God will take care of the rest.

Vast and Vivid

The snow groaned as my boot come upon it. 

Each crunch a reminder of the bitter winter conditions. 

–

The wind gave no mercy, quickly founding it’s way into the small openings of my coat. 

I pushed my mittened hands deeper into my pockets.

–

A complete juxtapositions from the chaotic and close quarters I had been in momentarily. 

I shut the cabin door, and was greeted by the melancholy note of the wind. 

It was so still and sharp as the snow lie in waiting. 

–

 My breath short and choppy. 

Quickly expanding my lungs, for fear the cruel chill would otherwise freeze them. 

My strides were long, as my footprints became muddled with that of tires, animal and human. 

I trudged on, deep into the snow, deeper into the forest. 

I held my breath, dare I miss the soft hum blow through. 

I found myself fixated.

–

God’s hand gently grazed the tips of the horizon and expanded through the land. 

The snow shimmered, it was so bright. To my absolute delight, it actually sparkled.

–

Vast and Vivid lay before me. 

–

Trees embraced in one another, holding the banks of snow on their shoulders. 

The lingering stalks of field, too stubborn to break, glistened. 

So still and quiet, I could not believe it was real. 

–

My own frozen face, primmer red as the small flakes kissed my checks. 

The sun, another juxtaposition, shinned brightly but held no warmth. 

My legs now numb, and fingers brittle, I  rushed inside only to be betrayed. 

–

The heat made my ears brimmed red, and begin to throb.

My steps were staggered, ad I felt my legs for a second and then became jell-o. 

–

Confused by yet another juxtapositions I quickly escaped out of the warm, into the cool air that only seconds ago had paralyzed me. 

–

What a grand day to live, indeed, constantly in a juxtapositions. 

March For Life 2020

As people March for Life in D.C. I ask again, Lord Hear My prayer.

 

 

To all the children I have had the privilaged to know, and the parents who broguht them into the world, thank you. Thank you for choosing life.

Dear Lord,

From your mighty voice thundered roared and from the your gentle speech sunrises paint the sky, by your lips you breathed air into our lungs. In your image; we walk, and from your love we are free. On this Sanctity of Human Life Sunday, our hearts ache for the deaths of too many innocent lives. The children who didn’t come into this world, but we pray are with you in eternity.  We grieve their laughter we will not hear, their smiles we will not see, and the lives they will not live.

Lord, we are hurting, and are broken; unable to hold our heads up. So today, we come to you in prayer, heads bowed.  In our everyday lives, we have sinned again and again; yet each time against what we deserve you forgave us. Restore us to right relationship with you. Help remind us, not to cast the first, second or third stone. Lead us to be your hands and feet; serving in our talents you have given us. Open our hearts, and transform us into followers of Christ.  Let your light shine; through our empathy, compassion and love for all people; no matter the color of their skin, or the lifestyle they live. Let us be you, Lord, to all people; no matter their age or the culture they been brought up. We pray that those around us, wouldn’t see our actions but look deeper, into our hearts and see your love. Strengthen us to be defenders of life in our social media posts, our communities, and to our neighbor’s next door and overseas.

We love you, Lord, and by your example, may we love others. Each and every day we strive to praise you. Thank you for the gift of life,  our own lives are treasures.  Teach us how to protect life, in every possible way. May your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Amen.

Lord, Hear My Prayer

Ten fingers. Ten toes. One little nose.

As an Aunt of three beautiful little girls; and two more nieces or nephews to come. As a former Nanny to a rambunctions little boy and darling twins. As a babysiter long ago, to many wonderful and beautifu,l made in God’s image, children.

Lord, Hear My Prayer.

 

Dear Lord,

From your mighty voice thundered roared and from the your gentle speech sunrises paint the sky, by your lips you breathed air into our lungs. In your image; we walk, and from your love we are free. On this Sanctity of Human Life Sunday, our hearts ache for the deaths of too many innocent lives. The children who didn’t come into this world, but we pray are with you in eternity.  We grieve their laughter we will not hear, their smiles we will not see, and the lives they will not live.

Lord, we are hurting, and are broken; unable to hold our heads up. So today, we come to you in prayer, heads bowed.  In our everyday lives, we have sinned again and again; yet each time against what we deserve you forgave us. Restore us to right relationship with you. Help remind us, not to cast the first, second or third stone. Lead us to be your hands and feet; serving in our talents you have given us. Open our hearts, and transform us into followers of Christ.  Let your light shine; through our empathy, compassion and love for all people; no matter the color of their skin, or the lifestyle they live. Let us be you, Lord, to all people; no matter their age or the culture they been brought up. We pray that those around us, wouldn’t see our actions but look deeper, into our hearts and see your love. Strengthen us to be defenders of life in our social media posts, our communities, and to our neighbor’s next door and overseas.

We love you, Lord, and by your example, may we love others. Each and every day we strive to praise you. Thank you for the gift of life,  our own lives are treasures.  Teach us how to protect life, in every possible way. May your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Amen.

My Church’s Funeral

 

I will watch the clouds roll in.

I will sing, even if my words break,

if my throat is hoarse and my breath

catches.

I will be joyful in my sufferings, in the pain

that has been caused,

the sting from the slap that lingers still.

I will cry and my tears will fall like rain from the clouds.

 

I will not hold everything in, not anymore.

I will be free from the betrayal,

the wolf in sheepskin.

I can not hold up those I love, if I continue to hold on to the pain.

I will ask God to be our shelter, our meeting place now taken from us.

 

My heart will long for peace, and I will earnestly wait for His comfort.

 

If it is God’s Will for me to be silent, I will pray.

On knees bent low, and hands tightly folded,

even when my knuckles turn white and my body shakes

I will not speak.

 

I will only pray, Thy Will Be Done.

 

Lord, in this time of heartache and imaginable

loss, I hold on to you.

Those who share this pain, we will hold on to you.

 

We trust in you, only you.

 

So let the rain fall, we wait for you in this storm.

Blind Bravery

My face is red and swollen

my eyes are red and cracked.

I didn’t think I had any more tears to give, but with each blink, rivers stream down.

I won’t forget, even after the sorrow begins to fade.

Even after the tears dry up, and my face becomes hard.

 

As a small child, I remember pieces of their destructive and horrific actions.

 

I am sure you do too. I’m sure you even remember where you were.

In a classroom, learning about nouns, verbs how to form a correct sentence.

In your office, filling paper work, making small talk with a coworker.

At home, drinking your morning coffee, on the phone with your mom.

We all remember where we were.

 

We all remember the blind bravery and heroic actions men and women showed that day.

 

And it’s okay if on today’s date, 9-11 we hold on to some sorrow. If each time we take a breath, we are reminded of all those brave people, who are not with us today.

 

That’s okay.

 

But on this day, we can also walk proudly for the strength of this nation, this nation under God.

Because on 9-11, on the hours after the attack, the days after the attack, the days even after today God remains.

God is with us, through the sorrow, through the tragic sinful world we live in, God is here.

Layers of Life

It was wrapped in layers.

Not like an onion, whose juices sting your eyes, each layer pulled from the next.

No this was wrapped in layers, liked a wildflower’s petals.

A beautiful flower, grown in an array of circumstances.

 

You gave me time, love and life in layers, and

saying I’m grateful, just doesn’t describe it all.

 

Time; it lasted longer than I imagined but I find it all ending far too quickly.

An hour drive, across the most stunning skylines, I have ever witnessed.

God’s artistry poured out, on my morning commute,  it’s the gift you gave to me.

 

Layers of compassion and generosity

When small mistakes were laughed off so I could grow as a flawed individual;

willing to learn.

 

Layers of Life a gift.

 

When life is incredibly messy…

Up the back blowouts, spit up rags, running noses, mud puddles and spaghetti stains.

 

When life is unfortunately difficult….

Toddler Temper tantrums, stomping feet that lead to spankings,dead cats, no nap time, and two am freak out moments.

 

When life is filled with beautiful moments of awe…

First steps, first words, singing their ABC’s, making cookies, eating ice cream, finger painting, disney movies, sidewalk chalk,and our God talks.

 

 

Layers of Life, that is what you gave me.

Redford’s determination on being independant,

Fay’s joyful outlook on life

and Ireland’s songbook, with a melody in her heart.

The layers of love you gave me;

layers of love, time and life.

Thank you.

untouched by this world

we pride ourselves in saying that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.

we cling to this strength, right up to the edge, but then we avert back to fear.

we gladly accept the gloomy cloud of desperation that says, you can’t do this.

we believe it’s a safer bet, or an easier life to accept, a path that God

                                                                                                  in our small and foolish mind,

                                                                                                                  doesn’t know as well as us.

we easily, with no questions asked, no red flags present; accept fear.

All while God is waiting on the other side of the cliff,

patient to our struggle of taking a leap.

we worry and stop trusting, that God hasn’t already thought through the obstacles we could  face and the unfamiliar characters we could meet.

we forget that the God of the universe

                                                 who puts precise details into each and every snowflake,

                                                                                                                 each time the snow falls

                                                                                                                    wouldn’t take the time

                                                                                                                   to plan out each step of

                                                                                                                                             our journey.

And still He stands, arms out, full of grace.

How much more foolish can we be?

 

Fear is a trigger-happy defense that

Satan attacks us with and to

his joy,

we easily accept, without a mere fight.

 

And when we have lost sight of God,

too consumed with the fear we assumed would keep us safe,

He crosses the cliff,

takes us in his arms,

and carries us home.

That is a love untouched by this world.

Rain Cloud

 

It’s when heaven opens,

and the first of many drops splatter.

 

On the dry, dirty canvas of the earth

that has yearned and groaned for such a dream.

 

That is when my soul is restored,

in the gift that God’s embrace pulls together the clouds

and from their joy, tears spring forth.

 

 

No longer am I in hibernation.

 

I let the dead thoughts of winter, no longer bound to them, fall from my voice.

The scales of fatigue, fear and despair that have kept me captive,  fall.

I am newly washed in love, and hope, and joy.

I am at peace.

 

 

It’s the first rain,

it’s heaven’s welcome to

spring,

that I find my

inspiration.